By Jeanne Devon
Well, Hurricane Sarah continues its ravaging rampage up the Eastern seaboard. Leaving idiocy, ignorance and alienation in its wake, it continued its relentless path of destruction as it headed for New Hampshire.
First, in the nation’s capital, Sarah Palin managed to alienate the organizers of the annual Rolling Thunder motorcycle rally in support of veterans, POWs and those missing in action.
Then, she struck New Yorkers in the heart with a fork by desecrating their local customs and humiliating herself by eating pizza with silverware. And let’s not forget the “Statute [sic] of Liberty.”
So where is she now? Boston, Bean Town, the home of the original Tea Party. Her target? Local legend and icon Paul Revere (or as the natives would say – Paul Reveah). Sure, Boston is teeming with historic places, and founding fathers, but Paul Revere holds a special place in the hearts of Bostonians. School children walk the Freedom Trail for class outings, the story is learned, generation after generation. It’s part of the culture, and the historical fabric of the place.
Enter Sarah Palin.
Her failed attempts at becoming a biker babe (“I love the smell of the emissions”), and a New York pizza eater (she forked that one up), served as a precedent for the most egregious regional gaffe yet – the desecration of the story of Paul Revere.
For those of you who need a little brush up, Paul Revere, a local silversmith… Well, I’ll let the Paul Revere House explain it. You just settle back and imagine the historical scene unfolding. It is the evening of April 18th, 1775….
Paul Revere was sent for by Dr. Joseph Warren and instructed to ride to Lexington, Massachusetts, to warn Samuel Adams and John Hancock that British troops were marching to arrest them. After being rowed across the Charles River to Charlestown by two associates, Paul Revere borrowed a horse from his friend Deacon John Larkin. While in Charlestown, he verified that the local “Sons of Liberty” committee had seen his pre-arranged signals. (Two lanterns had been hung briefly in the bell-tower of Christ Church in Boston, indicating that troops would row “by sea” across the Charles River to Cambridge, rather than marching “by land” out Boston Neck. Revere had arranged for these signals the previous weekend, as he was afraid that he might be prevented from leaving Boston).
On the way to Lexington, Revere “alarmed” the country-side, stopping at each house, and arrived in Lexington about midnight. As he approached the house where Adams and Hancock were staying, a sentry asked that he not make so much noise. “Noise!” cried Revere, “You’ll have noise enough before long. The regulars are coming out!” After delivering his message, Revere was joined by a second rider, William Dawes, who had been sent on the same errand by a different route. Deciding on their own to continue on to Concord, Massachusetts, where weapons and supplies were hidden, Revere and Dawes were joined by a third rider, Dr. Samuel Prescott. Soon after, all three were arrested by a British patrol. Prescott escaped almost immediately, and Dawes soon after. Revere was held for some time and then released. Left without a horse, Revere returned to Lexington in time to witness part of the battle on the Lexington Green.
OK, so we’ve got Paul Revere, on a horse, hush hush, lanterns lit briefly in the tower of Christ Church, knocking on doors, accused of being too noisy, etc. Got it?
Now, here is Professor Palin’s version, and an illustration from the history book she’ll be using.
The alternate Story about Paul Revere, as told by Sarah Palin.
“He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”
That’s right you British varmints! We don’t have a 2nd Amendment yet, but when we do… well… that’ll be what this here skirmish is all about. Now you skeedaddle before I make ya dance. And STAY out! >>>BANG!<<<
In case you’re feeling brave enough to watch the video:
Warning the British = Warning revolutionaries John Hancock and Sam Adams
Taking away our arms = someone’s going to be arrested
Ringing those bells = Lanterns in the church steeple
Sending warning shots = knocking on doors
See? With a little translation, and a whole lotta suspension of disbelief, it all makes perfect sense!
After “mission accomplished” in Boston, the Magical Mystery Bus wasn’t finished yet. Apparently what Piper Palin was told was a family “vacation” that was simply designed to visit America’s historical places of interest, had a mission of some urgency and a time sensitive nature. Defying tornadoes that had wreaked their own havoc in Massachusetts, with family in tow, the Palin bus headed north to arrive in New Hampshire only miles away from Mitt Romney, who was making a planned announcement that he would be running for the presidency in 2012.
Palin explained to the media that the timing and location was just “coincidence.” Perhaps it’s the same coincidental reason that the Palin family vacation motorhome looks like this:
Jeanne Devon (AKMuckraker) is the founding editor of The Mudflats Blog. She is a contributing writer for The Huffington Post, and a contributing author to the book Going Rouge – An American Nightmare. She co-authored the Palin insider memoir Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin which will be released May 24, 2011. She is a 20-year resident of Anchorage, Alaska.
Discussion is welcome!